Also, it was completely sucking up our day, in the absolute worst of ways. We'd watch a few shows with breakfast, then maybe run a few errands, then home for lunch and a show or two before nap, then when she woke up, I'd use it extensively to get through the long afternoon and dinner prep, also known as the witching hours, right before Daddy got home. What is it about meal prep time that makes the metaphorical wheels fall off the day? Brooklynne in general is not a whiner, but for some reason around 4:30 until the second before Cooper gets home, her words are long and drawn out and are several decibels higher than need be. We'd eat dinner, then round out the day with a show before bed. When I really took a hard look at the amount of time she spent zoned out and zombied in front of the tv, I was blown away. It made me embarrassed and ashamed of how I was using this time God gave me to be with her, and teach her, and show her His love in big and little ways. I told myself, "well, if I had a car, it wouldn't be like this," or "if we had the money to spend, I'd certainly entertain her elsewhere." I'd completely let myself off the hook on this whole intentional Mom deal.
I've read so many articles and blog posts and Facebook statuses about how difficult Motherhood is, and essentially, if you make it through the day and your kids are still breathing, then props to you, and drink up, because you deserve it! But, I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to just merely survive the day with her, patting myself on the back because she eats organically and takes a bath every night. I want more than that, for her and for me. Even though the days can feel like they are right around 93 hours long sometimes, I want to use the time we have wisely. I need to do a much better job of doing the hard things when it comes to intentional mothering. I don't need any more outs. I know those posts are written in the sprint of togetherness and "life in the trenches", but I don't need another "who can blame you," or "forgive yourself, the job is tough" schpeel. I need accountability, something to make me try harder and dig deeper. Not a way to back out because the task is hard. Motherhood IS hard, but you only get one shot to do it right.
So, no more tv for Birdie. And already, it's kind of changing everything. I'll admit, I totally panicked when we'd done everything on the day's agenda and it was only 10:30. I couldn't believe how much we accomplished in so little time without the distraction of the television in the background. We played outside, did sidewalk chalk and followed ants on their busy paths. We replaced the noise of tv with praise and worship music. Brooklynne clapped along and did her weird, foot stomping, arm wiggling dance. With all this free time, I might dedicate an hour or two to teaching Brooklynne how to dance, or at least how to follow Hitch's guide to white people dancing. Lord forbid she go to her 6th grade school dance and end up looking like Elaine from Seinfeld. I embarrassed myself, in many many ways, in middle school, but none of them from lack of style and flair while dancing. The good dancing probably distracted from my bright pink eyeshadow and frizzy bangs for a little bit, so I'm putting dancing in the plus category of life.
We built castles with Legos, and played with her babies. And we talked, really actually talked. Even though she's only two, Brooklynne is quite the conversationalist. She's been speaking in full sentences for months, and always surprises me with her vocabulary. She says words like "fantastic" and "lovely" on the regular, and always has really dramatic hand motions ( I don't know WHERE she would have picked that up.) I love her little heart and how lately she's had such a mind towards Jesus. I dropped something on the ground, and before I reached to grab it, she said "not worry, Mommy, Jesus will get it for you. He always helps and keeps you safe!" We might need to do a little revising on her concept, but the main points are good and true.
We played until well past her bed time and she was so excited to tell Cooper every moment of her day. I told him about the tv deal, and he was pleased. To get any sort of reaction out of Cooper can be like pulling teeth, so a blatant show of approval is big. I told him I thought this was going to be a good thing for us, and I truly believe that. I'm sure in the future I'll be tempted to drown out the meal prep blues, or turn on the tv when I just want to sneak away and read People magazine in peace for 20 minutes. But overall, I needed this physical change to facilitate the heart change I needed to make. So hurrah to hard things, and intentional mothering. And to no more Caillou.
